‘I Kill Plants’ And Other Catch-Phrases

Welcome to confessional America.

Again, I heard a seemingly-decent person utter these words. Once, I took them as shock humor. I compared it to the high school classmate proud of his belching ability.

“That was almost puke, wasn’t it!” he’d proclaim after churning out a window-rattling burp.

The botanical one-liner is more complex. My wife says the “plant killer” statements are more sincere. The assertion is an absolution of responsibility, a check-mate against pushy encouragement.

Meanwhile, wordsmiths take heed. Give the multitudes a snappy sentence that gets them off the hook for houseplant neglect or other misbehavior. There may be some giggles of embarrassment, too.

Dubious honor awaits. You could blush all the way to the bank.


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