Who writes those annoying pop-up box refusals? Ick!

Obviousman and cartoonist creator Wiley “Non Sequitur” Miller are two faves of mine. Look both up on gocomics.com.

Imagine “Insulting Your Reader 101,” a college course for all webmasters.

Am I supposed to laugh at the choices given on some pop-up ads? One website I respect has such a “Lady or the Tiger” choice. Just because I didn’t want their e-mail newsletter, I had to choose “No, thanks. I don’t like to save money.”

I’d rather see a juicier non-option. Something like “No, thanks. I like being ugly and stupid.”

I’d like to find each of these smarmy copywriters, summoning them with ringing doorbells and phone calls just when they’ve closed the bathroom door. Then, they’d have to choose “I’d rather sit on the toilet than accept your springboard to fame and fortune.”

For now, each case of online peer (sales) pressure I receive is greeted with a related FLUSH!

Think editing non-fiction is impossible? Check out picture book biographies for inspiration

Friend Barbara Kramer is one of the hardest-working non-fiction authors in children’s lit today.

When she’s not creating a new biography, Barbara is blogging. I wanted to applaud her latest post:

I’ve mentioned in the past how children’s non-fiction is a great place for a researcher to start. Well, picture book biographies remind (even adult) authors of two amazements:

1. Think everything has been written about a topic or personality? Children’s picture books are famed for putting a new spin on an overlooked moment in history.
2. Think your editing is overwhelming? Look at the minimal word counts on a non-fiction picture book.

In the 1990s, I co-wrote a series of biographies for PowerKids Press. I was told to follow the established format. Ten chapters. Each no more than 80 words. A beginning, middle and end in just 80 words? It’s possible!

Children’s books: not just for children.

 

What happens when writing isn’t easy?

Visit his site. Read his books. Chris connects!

You don’t feel like writing right now?

Write now, worry later.

I liked the recent advice from Chris Guillebeau. This author has a new book coming in April (Born for This: How to Find the Work You Were Meant To Do).

Chris wasn’t talking to writers only. Let me add a 2B to his wisdom:

When you write, you help at least two people. Yourself, and a reader.

The ‘little’ adjective can cause BIG trouble

You really think someone’s work is “little?” You might get a LULU of a reaction with your comment.

Shake it off.

People will hedge their bets when giving praise. Word-loving writers may bristle at the “L” word.

“Nice little blog.”

Little?

As in, “little effort?”

I think “little” is just one step short of “cute.” The unknowing speaker may have no idea how prickly their words might seem. You feel the ambivalence in the qualifying adjective.

Like it. Or not. Don’t build walls between you and the work you might praise.

 

Hello, Magic 8 Ball: who likes questions as lead paragraphs?

Still available. Still fun!

Ask again later.

Not now.

The Magic 8 Ball may never reply, “How cute! A guessing game. What a coy way to begin your writing. Like a knock-knock joke without the laugh.”

More likely, when you ask the Magic 8 if it’s okay to start any writing with a question, the reply might be: “Throw me at your head. Then, you’ll know how I really feel.”

Fight the impulse to begin your novel, memoir, article, blog post or other writing with a question.Build trust, not annoyance. Your sources or your characters should be the ones who are applauded as cute. Readers will connect the dots later, realizing that you are the gifted storyteller.

Resist. Write. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

 

Brad Wax Pack Book Balukjian odds-on favorite as 2017 baseball author rookie of the year!

Talk about fearless creativity!

Brad Balukjian is redefining literary transparency. He’s on a dream road trip, meeting heroes in preparation for The Wax Pack Book.

Brad opened a pack of 1986 Topps cards and vowed to track down all the cardboard immortals. From Randy Ready to Steve Yeager, the 13 men who appeared at random (with a vile slab of antique pink gum) are a fascinating baker’s dozen. What if a baseball card could talk 30 years later?

The book-in-progress is unfolding on Twitter, Instagram and Brad’s website. He’s sharing daily victories and setbacks, down to a scoreboard that tallies his total coffee intake.

His subtitle is “One Pack. No Turning Back.”

Brad has written articles for years, including sports pieces for the Los Angeles Times. But a book?

This quest began with a 75-page proposal, including a sample chapter (thanks to a weekend with former infielder Rance Mulliniks).

“Book publishing is so competitive,” Brad said. “Publishers want as little risk as possible.”

FIve agents clamored for Brad’s affiliation. After choosing representation, Brad was advised to finish his cross-country interview-a-thon before the agent would begin selling the project.

“In some ways, I don’t even consider this a baseball book,” Brad added. “I’m asking (the featured former players) about their fathers, their relationships, things no one has ever asked about.”

Don’t think that Brad will disappear before the project sells and gets published. “I’m thinking about podcasting, sharing conversations with other men featured in the 1986 Topps set.”

Clear space on your bookshelves now, baseball fans. The 2017 season is destined to begin with a bang, thanks to one man — and one wax pack.

 

 

 

If Julia Child blogged…

Be like Julia: stop apologizing, start creating. By Original is polaroid photo taken by Elsa Dorfman in 1988 derivative work: Scewing Julia_child1.jpg: Elsa Dorfman (Julia_child1.jpg) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html), CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/) or CC BY 2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

“We ate the lunch with painful politeness and avoided discussing its taste. I made sure not to apologize for it. This was a rule of mine. I don’t believe in twisting yourself into knots of excuses and explanations over the food you make…Usually one’s cooking is better than one thinks it is. And if the food is vile,…then the cook must simply grit her teeth and bear it with a smile- and learn from her mistakes.” — Julia Child, from My Life in France

How many bloggers miss a day, only to write a gut-wrenching “where I was” post?

The readers came back. You came back. Like a pet says, “You’re here now!”

As you were.

 

 

Beware of the back-handed book blurb

An endorsement that never endorsed?

Yes, someone was just trying to help.

However…

My wife just brought home the 2014 book giftwrapped: Practical and inventive ideas for all occasions and celebrations, by Jane Means. I found a boomeranging blurb on the cover.

“Jane Means shows us how to transform even an ordinary gift into something sensational.”

— Kirstie Allsopp

EVEN? ORDINARY? This is supposed to make me read the book?

No gift is ever ordinary.

Furthermore, the recoil of “even” should be obvious. As in, “I’ll endorse any book. EVEN yours!”

Try  this: “Make the SMALLEST gift have the BIGGEST impact.”

If you want to praise someone, think in opposites.

 

How to find new readers? Show AND tell!

(Courtesy of Onyx and Alexa Aker)

Halfway there!

There have been 100 free downloads of my wife Diana Star Helmer’s novel Elsie’s Afghan. The wish to reach 200 new readers remains in view. Likewise, author Diana has the hope of using her novel as a spotlight for the powerful magic knitters offer with each shared creation. That’s a goal for every day, not just World Wide Knit in Public Day.

As I wrote yesterday, this wasn’t about using the lawn sprinkler and spraying a FREE BOOK offer everywhere.That’s what happens with products. Diana, like a knitter, created a one-of-a-kind story unlike any I’ve ever encountered. The story came to her like a gift. That’s how she wants to share it. One reader at a time.

With the visual talents of Onyx and Alexa Aker to applaud, here’s a sample of Elsie’s Afghan. For those of you who have downloaded the e-book, thank you. Her Amazon page awaits. If you can find someone to share the offer with, the book is available until midnight Saturday.

Celebrating a birthday by giving a gift: a book!

Awesome imagery courtesy of Onyx and Alexa Aker.)

Today is the birthday of my wonderful wife Diana Star Helmer.

She said, “Look what I found. June 13 is an event. World Wide Knit in Public Day. I’d love every one of those people to have a copy of Elsie’s Afghan. My gift to them.”

I said, “I know that June 11 is a milestone, too. We’ll be celebrating your birthday.”

Diana replied, “Let’s celebrate both days. Free e-books all around!”

Why this book? Elsie’s Afghan stars one amazing knitter. Along with her talented friends, they attempt to save the day by…

knitting in public.

This isn’t the first time Diana has shared her writing. Last year for Christmas, she wished that 100 readers would discover The Three Scrooges: A Christmas Parody. Please, check out what we learned from that adventure playing e-book Santas.

Here’s how the birthday/knitting party works:

Head to the Elsie’s Afghan Amazon.com page. Help yourself to this uplifting story about a shy knitter who uses her talent to make a dream come true. (Dog lovers will find extra joy in this book, by the way.) The free download is available June 11-13, through Saturday.

Next, please tell others. Last year, Diana wished for 100 downloads. If 200 people find Elsie’s Afghan, this will be one of the greatest birthday presents ever. If you’d be willing to leave an honest review at the Amazon site, I will try not to eat your share of the birthday cake next year. (And I thank you in advance for the husband extra-credit points!)

We’ll be posting download updates here, on Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus.

We believe in books, and in you. Thank you for your help.